Sometimes I like to do social experiments on the internet. So yesterday I reactivated my OkCupid account, added a cleavage selfie, and ticked the box for casual sex. Inevitably, a fresh photo leads to an influx of bizarre messages, so I thought I’d share a few I’ve received in the past 24 hours.

Bob, 52, West LA: “How are you today Pretty Woman?” (…not in a Julia Roberts film?)

beanie-wearer, 44, Renton: “Hi”

bald, broody, 36, Lynnwood: “Hi there” (I sense a theme)

self-proclaimed arrogant douche, 42, Bellevue: “I must admit I find your impish grin/lustful gaze intriguing. I think I would like to know more.” (believe me, I am not gazing at you lustfully)

Alex, 37, Iskenderun, Turkey: “you look beautiful” (okay, and?)

guy in backward baseball cap, 31, Seattle: “Hey there :)”

Alex, 26, Seattle: “HEY 🙂 you staying outta trouble so far this weekend? HEHEHE” (Well, I’m not getting into trouble with any 26-yr-old boys…)

another 26-yr-old, Seattle: “are you really 42?” (if I were going to lie about it, I’d go with 32)

man holding baby, 42, Maple Valley: “Good evening how are you” (ask again when you figure out punctuation)

bare torso, 33, Seattle: “Wow, stop being so hot! I have a public job so I am looking a discrete female who is open minded for fun. If that is you get back to me.. dont be shy!” (public job? what?)

another 26-yr-old, Everett: “There’s no better way to savor your 40s then with a 26yo ;)” (yes there is.)

Ty, 23, Lincoln, NE: “Are you into sending pics?” (hahahahaha. you’re 23! sure, send me some pics! ew.)

27-yr-old, Lynnwood: “Good morning good looking :)”  (mmmkay)

25-yr-old, India: “Hello sexy lady how r u” (oh, fine, thanks.)

Scott, 36, Bellingham: “How are you doing” (ask again when you figure out punctuation)

Drew, 22, Seattle: “Wanna cuddle? :)” (you’re 22! I could be your mom!)

Jordan, 37, Romeoville, IL: “Spread your ass hole wet” (Thanks for your suggestion.)

guy skiing, 51, Seattle: “can’t determine from your profile if you are open to the prospect of getting to know a man in an open relationship…” (your profile states that posting your photo on OKC could jeopardize your career… that doesn’t sound very “open”)

engineer, 37, Bellevue: “Coffee????” (in this case, more words and fewer question marks may be in order.)

These are just a sampling of the 50ish messages I’ve received since yesterday. There are also some perfectly reasonable notes, and some too dull to bother mentioning, like, “Have you been enjoying the beautiful weather?” I’m not particularly motivated to actually go on dates, but I might be up for some Coffee????