Do you know someone who is genuinely happy? I know people who appear pretty happy, and I think they probably are. People with well-rounded lives, stable relationships, interesting interests, and generally healthy habits tend to have a shiny aura about them that we might call happiness. I know others who act happy, but who are…
Category: Personal Experience
Demolition
On Saturday, they tore down the house where I grew up. It was never “my house,” but rather always “grandma’s house,” until she died in 1983. I really only lived there full time for six years, and even during those years I stayed with my mom most weekends. Still, those years are the only years…
Happy Birthday, Mom
Friday was my mom’s 65th birthday. I don’t remember the last time I talked to her, but it was probably more than three years ago now. Every so often, she leaves me a voicemail, and it’s like getting messages from the dead. August 1st has always been kind of a family holiday. My mom was…
On Not Losing Hope
A lot has changed in the world since I moved to Seattle and got my first job at a video store in 1990. My first resumé was typed on a typewriter that I rented for a quarter at the public library. The old downtown library looked more like a library and less like a spaceship…
I’ll Walk, Thanks
On hot summer days in Coeur d’Alene during my childhood, I walked to the beach barefoot. It was about six blocks from my grandparents’ house. First I had to get across the packed dirt and gravel driveway where grandpa parked his excavating equipment. Then there was a short section of unpaved road on Lost Avenue,…
In Which I Explain My Lack of Babies
Today I saw a headline on the internets: “Cameron Diaz Defends Her Childless Status,” and I thought, why on Earth does she have to defend herself for that? I haven’t given birth to any babies (or kittens for that matter). I am 42 years old, and if all goes to plan I never will give…
The Curious Appeal of the Crime Drama
I read a lot as a teen. I read young adult fantasy, regular old fantasy, Judy Blume, various smut, Tom Robbins, fucking Camus, Anne Rice… the list goes on. (I’m not really sure why Camus is fucking Camus, but somehow it seems right). Amidst all of that, one of the most atypical reading habits I had…
The Girl from Coeur d’Alene
In recent years, Coeur d’Alene, Idaho — where I lived the first eighteen years of my life — has been earning high praise as a beautiful gem in the mountains with a plethora of activities for the vacationer. This article holds it up as the #1 mountain town in the United States. I can’t disagree….
Thirty Years
Thirty years ago today, life as I knew it ended. The last night of my childhood was frosty and silent. A deep cold that settled into bones. Today I sat down and read grandma’s final diary: October 9 – November 28, 1983. It’s the same as all of her diaries, an accounting of comings and…
Musings on Mortality, Mindfulness, and Meaning
We’re all going to die. Today 50 people died in a plane crash in Russia. Most likely none of them expected to die today. They were idly anticipating a dreary airport and lost luggage — maybe a reunion with someone waiting below. And then something went terribly wrong. We all secretly expect to go on…
Plumb Wonderful 