Do you know the REAL KITTY? Apparently I don’t either, but Facebook does! Facebook has been gathering all of my data for 8 years or so. All of my searches, likes, articles I read, posts, as well as the essence of my eternal soul. And they have compiled a list of interests that reveal my true nature, no Buzzfeed quiz will ever get near.

It’s fascinating to look at Facebook’s compendium of interests attached to my profile (and you can see yours too — when logged into FB). Here are just a few of the things Facebook knows about me, that may surprise you!

Family and relationships:

My only interest in this category is Family. This is because I am not interested in anyone I’m not related to. All of you other people are profoundly uninteresting to me. Sorry.

Fitness and Wellness:

Prosperity: this is the only kind of “wellness” that matters.
Psychoanalysis: My favorite workout routine!
Unisex: Because gender is bad for you. Always wear a unitard when having unisex.
Yoga: I have actually done Yoga.

Hobbies and Activities:

Wow. I have a lot of hobbies and activities. I must be super busy… especially as one of my 36 hobbies is “Everything.” A few of these probably come as no surprise, like Arts & Music, Reading, Maru the cat, and Tavern. Some others reveal the more esoteric aspects of my nature, such as:

Concept: I do love a concept. You may not know this, but I have been collecting concepts since I was child.

Emotion: Man, emotion is fun! I could emote all day. Sometimes I actually experience two or three emotions at once… that’s how into it I am!

Erosion: I try to advance erosion in every aspect of my life.

Fermentation: This is required to make some of my favorite things!

Mammal: Little known fact: I am a mammal. And beyond that I support mammal rights and lemurs in particular.

Menagerie: My hobbies go beyond just the singular mammal.

Milky Way: One of my favorite hobbies is spinning through the void of space as a tiny speck on a tiny planet spiraling near the outer edge of our most famous galaxy.

Mop: This is clearly a mistake.

Moth: Just the one. I keep it in a jar.

Population: I contend that it is growing at an alarming rate and my hobby is to not help with that.

Seed: This is a broad subject area that can lead to many unrelated hobbies, so I keep my options open.

Tate St Ives: I had to Google this one, but now I know that it is my destiny to love an art gallery in Cornwall.

Televisions: Unlike mammal, I need more than one of these in my life.

Thursday: While I originally intended to focus my hobby on one day of the week, Wednesday has somehow made it’s way onto the list too. What can I say? I’m an overachiever.

Tick: tick tick tick tick tick tick tick ticktick tick. Tick.

Lifestyle and Culture

I am eclectic. My lifestyle choices range from Awe to iOS devices to Sanskrit. Are you that interesting? I doubt it. Here are a few more of my interests:

1949 in film: Why do you need any other years in film? 1949 is the only one that matters.

All mobile devices: Why choose?!

Hermeticism: “As above, so below.”

Instant messaging: It’s a lifestyle and a culture. Don’t fight it.

Momentum: I like momentum even more than inertia.

Wifi connection: This is very important for my lifestyle.

Shopping and Fashion:

This is a fairly short list and the first item on it is Babies r Us. Because babies.

Sports and Outdoors:

I’ll just let this screenshot tell the story.